All filler, no killer!

And now, in celebration of all that we learned in Mizzou’s 45-3 win over the University of Massachusetts, a selection from the collected works of the modern composer John Cage.

Staggering. Beautiful. I wept.

Perfect tone-setter for what should be a real banger of a Revue, no?

The Revue

One of my least favorite things about the streaming era of movies and television is the amount of filler we get fed week in and week out. I know you don’t need an explanation, but I’ll give it to you anyway.

You know when you log onto Netflix (or Hulu, Max, Prime, whatever) and you see them recommending a whole host of things on the “For You” tab that make you say, “I’ve never heard of that once in my entire life”? That. That’s streaming filler. It’s stuff that doesn’t drive subscriptions or renewals but allows corporations to meet their production bottom line and save on their budget so that they can take it up on a notch on the bigger movies (that sometimes are even worse than the filler!) It’s every movie that Mark Wahlberg or Millie Bobbie Brown has ever made for Netflix. It’s all the reality TV shows that Hulu seems to have time for. It’s the never-ending stream of C-list action movies that Prime has been throwing up for the last 10 years. Is it bad? Yes, but it’s very rarely unwatchable. Is it good? Almost never, but it’s enough to keep your interest.

Mizzou traveling to Amherst is streaming filler. It’s an excuse to get on the couch at 11 am and watch Mizzou because, what, are you a bad fan now that they have one loss? Is it going to be fun? I guess… if watching Mizzou beat up on lesser opponents halfway through the season is your bag. Is it going to be tense? Inevitably when a Tiger player gets hurt in a non-meaningful game, yeah. Will we learn or take away anything from it? No, we’ll have forgotten Mizzou even played this game in a few months.

I wish I had some more humorous or profound observations on what this game means in the context of Mizzou’s season or its story as a program… but that’s not the point of filler! It’s not to teach us anything or to explore any meaningful depth of life (or football). It’s there to fill a slot on the schedule. And that’s it. It’s not good, it’s not bad. But it is there.

I will not be making any observations about Spenser Confidential, because I genuinely don’t remember anything that happened in it. Yet, apparently more people watched it than anything else Netflix has ever made.

★★★☆☆ for the win over UMass, ★★☆☆☆ for Spenser Confidential, a double nothingburger with cheese, ketchup and, apparently, Post Malone?

Watchability Meter

I’m going to cheat a little bit on this week’s watchability meter because I think there’s a perfect MA-sshole bit of cultural lore that I think ties in perfectly with this week’s game. So no scale to grade on, just another clip for comparison.

A few years ago, Saturday Night Live welcomed Bill Burr to 30 Rock to host the show. I found it an odd choice. Burr’s abrasive style and content never felt like a good fit for the increasingly safe comedic stylings of SNL, even if the pairing ended up producing some good content. I haven’t watched any of the sketches in a minute, but I do have one moment from that week’s episode burned into my brain. It’s perfectly representative of my feelings while watching Mizzou dismantle UMass on Saturday, a mixture of giddy thirstiness with a sneaking displeasure at the overall experience.

“I don’t like that.”

Me neither, Bill. But I did drink the whole thing up! I found Mizzou about as watchable against UMass as Bill Burr found Sam Adams drinkable in this sketch.

Disrespectful Play Index

This is easily the part of The Revue that takes the most effort… at least, in theory. You have to find the play, evaluate it against others, watch it 4-5 times, grab some screenshots, assign them to categories… you get the picture. It’s a labor of love, but one that requires more of the former… again, in theory.

Luther Burden III’s time at Mizzou has made this part of the column a relative breeze. Any given week, I have two categories of plays to choose from: Luther’s highlights and anyone else. Very, very rarely does anyone come close to matching his level of excitement and explosiveness. Even then, it’s hard to pick against him because of the flash and swagger he plays with. I’m very grateful that we’ve been able to watch him in a Mizzou uniform, and not a small part of it is how easy he’s made my job. Thanks, Luther. I’ll always buy your chips.

As you can guess, we’ve got another Luther Burden play queued up for you, so let’s get to it. As a weekly reminder, here’s our grading scale.

Category 1: How difficult/impressive was the play? (0-20)

Category 2: How hard did the defense try? (0-20)

Category 3: How much did his teammates help? (0-5)

Category 4: What did the player do immediately afterward? (0-20)

Category 5: How did everyone not involved react? (0-15)

Category 6: Is there a backstory/context to consider? (0-20)

And here’s the play in question:

Category 1: How difficult/impressive was the play? (0-20)

As far as Luther Burden III is concerned, this is one of the lesser moments of his already extensive “I can’t believe he did that” reel. Burden turns on the jets to hit the outside edge of the defense and then immediately bursts into open space, where not even a box of Massachusetts defenders can close him down fast enough.

I do want to give a special shout out to one Gerrell Johnson, a senior linebacker out of Washington D.C. He was so close and yet so far from turning this would-be highlight into a tackle for loss. Poor guy thought he actually cooked here by getting into the backfield. That is, until Luther Falcon Punches him into oblivion without breaking stride.

I can’t imagine that was overly difficult for Luther, but he’s on a different scale at this point. And we can’t knock him for that. 18/20

Category 2: How hard did the defense try? (0-20)

Any time I can get a screencap of a defender’s face bouncing off the turf, you know the score is going to be pretty damn respectable. The two defenders pictured above were the only Minutemen who got close to Burden on this play, but I’ll be damned if they didn’t go all out trying to slow him down. You have to give it up for any man who’s willing to sacrifice their facial structure for even the chance to tackle Luther Burden III in the open field. I wouldn’t make that choice, but respect to them! 17/20

Category 3: How much did his teammates help? (0-5)

While this was mostly a highlight of Luther’s own making, I do want to shout out Brett Norfleet for throwing a glancing block that probably allowed Burden the hesitation he needed to get the outside corner.

Our friend Mr. Johnson never stood a chance once Burden’s golden paw reached his facemask, but safety Tyler Rudolph had a chance to seal the edge before the sophomore tight end arrived on the scene. It’s not exactly a clean block, but the disruption disrupts Rudolph’s momentum just enough to allow Luther to motor around him without much fanfare. I’m not even sure he gets a fingertip on LB3’s cleats. It’s good to see Brett back and impacting the offense again. Still, this is mostly Luther being Luther. 4/5

Category 4: What did the player do immediately afterward?

An unusually reserved celebration for LB3, especially after such a quick punch that early in the game. I suppose the Texas A&M game was a little humbling and Burden has eaten a little bit of the pride that he’d been dishing out to national media. He made sure to take a courtesy drive-by of the fans behind the end zone, which I’m sure they weren’t overly fond of. But by Burden’s standards, it’s a bit underwhelming. 11/20

Category 5: How did everyone not involved react?

Once again, it’s a bit of a measured response from the Tigers. You knew they weren’t going to come into Amherst looking to showboat by any means, but you’d still expect a little more from the team after scoring on the second play of the game. Lucky for us, they kept their heads about them and moved right to the next series. Unlucky for the index, that won’t win them any points. 3/15

Category 6: Is there a backstory/context to consider?

It’s not as if Burden had a bad outing against Texas A&M — 7 catches for 82 yards is a pretty respectable “off night” for any receiver. But Burden failed to find the end zone for the first time this season, so I’m sure he was anxious to get back in the pay dirt. The play set the tone for an explosive start, which the Minutemen would never recover from. 13/20

Luther Burden III’s 61-yard touchdown run was 66 percent disrespectful to UMass, its fans and the faces of both Gerrell Johnson and Tyler Rudolph.

Superlatives and Awards

Best Prospective NIL Deal

I’ve been thinking ahead to 2025 recently. Not because I’m down on Mizzou’s chances to make some noise this year, but because of all the NIL possibilities that might open up. It feels crass to put numbers on players, especially in college, but consider how much NIL money will be up for grabs after next year: Luther Burden III and Brady Cook, two of the (presumed) highest earners on the squad will likely be out the door. Theo Wease, too. Many of the transfers from this past offseason are one-and-done guys. Some of Mizzou’s young players will have earned a bigger “pay day,” as it were. So let’s figure out a way to get Joshua Manning some more cash.

I’ve been a Manning stan as long as I can remember — aka, when he arrived on campus last year — and he showed on Saturday why people like me have been chomping at the bit to see him in the rotation. He’s got all the tools to be Mizzou’s next great receiver, he just needs the opportunity. Admittedly that’s hard to come by when you’re behind guys like Theo Wease, Jr. and Luther Burden III, but we can start scheming up some NIL deals to get him in the mix when they hit the exit. Personally, I’m not sure how Mizzou hasn’t hooked up with any of the energy drink companies as of yet. They’re big market players and cater to a young audience. Why not get Manning paired up with a place like Coal Train Energy in Syracuse, Mo.? Local energy drink company could use some love from the pride of the Show-Me State.

The Tim Robinson Award for Best “I Think You Should Leave” Moment

Maybe it’s because I was just on a ghost tour this weekend, but I can’t help but find a match with this sketch and the UMass game.

This exists on a weird place in the spectrum of my ITYSL fandom. As much as I adore some of the line readings and moments within the sketch ([through tears] “Do any of these… FAH-ckers…”), it’s admittedly quite long and, at times, a bit of snoozer. It’s missing a lot of the energy that I come to the show for, so I find it difficult to revisit.

I appreciate that Mizzou was able to take care of business against UMass, and I especially appreciated the multiple explosive plays that I hope protend good things for the rest of the season. But the whole thing felt sort of drab in the same way. Like, of course I want to see Brett Norfleet catch not one, but two, balls over the middle of the field, but did we have to go to sleepy Amherst to finally get it done?

So, yes, I technically got a kick out of watching Tim Robinson say exceedingly explicit things in a low register just like I enjoyed watching Mizzou beat the pants off another team. But do I think it was worth the trip?