The Revue: Mizzou rewrites a typical sad ending

Nov 12, 2024 | Uncategorized

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I remember you! What was your name? It was something dumb like… Sooner?

The date was October 23, 2010. Mizzou was celebrating a Homecoming win over Oklahoma. The Texas Rangers had just advanced to the first of two World Series they would lose to late aughts National League powerhouses. And Far East Movement was celebrating a No. 1 hit.

God, this song is a brutal listen. Always has been. I will say, though, that “helllllll yeah” at the beginning of the chorus hits.

The Revue

“You’re Truman the f****** Tiger”

Forget twist endings. When’s the last time you saw a movie with a cathartic ending?

You know, the ending that makes you put your hands in the air in the middle of the theater and scream “HELL YEAH.” The one that gets your heart racing and your mouth grinning the moment you see it coming. The one that you’re still rambling about in your car on the way home from the movie.

I can tell you exactly when the last time I saw a movie like that was. July 26, 2019, opening night for Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood.

I’m going to spoil the movie in a second, but I want you to understand why I chose it to represent Mizzou’s win over Oklahoma. The film is centered around the life of a struggling actor and his dead-beat stuntman in the late 1960’s, with a B-plot involving actress Sharon Tate moving to Hollywood with Roman Polanski and the rise of Charles Manson’s hippie influence. Obviously a movie with those components is only going to end one way, and it’s going to be tragic.

That’s sort of what I was thinking as the ball squirted out of Nate Noel’s hands with 2 minutes left to play on Saturday night. Oh great. I’ve seen this movie before. Even when Mizzou is clearly the better team, they can’t beat Oklahoma. It’s the 2000’s all over again.

But here’s the thing: neither of these stories end the way you think they will. In our case, Mizzou obviously drives the length of the field for a game-tying touchdown, which we’ll analyze in a second and then gets a last-second scoop-and-score to put the game on ice. In the movie’s case, Manson’s gang goes to Sharon Tate’s house (SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE, YOU’VE BEEN WARNED) and instead goes to kill Leo DiCaprio’s alcoholic asshole actor only to get absolutely obliterated via can of dog food, pitbull, bowie knife, face palm, foreign actress, boot heel, telephone, movie poster, wall, fireplace mantle, coffee table, glass door, swimming pool, and flamethrower… in that order. It’s quite something!

Tarantino’s film is obviously rewriting a cosmic injustice, and I’d like to think that’s what happened on Saturday night too. It wasn’t quite as gory (maybe as violent, I still don’t know about that last hit on Deion Burks), but it was as cathartic. The state of Oklahoma is just about as evil as Charles Manson, I’d say, so why not make the comparison?

★★★★★ for the loss over Alabama, ★★★★★ for Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood, one of the most cathartic movie-going experiences of my life (every time I watch it!)

Watchability Meter

Charles Dickens once wrote, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” I have to imagine Dickens, who wrote almost exclusively commentary about class in Great Britain, didn’t have access to any of MI6’s future-telling technology because of his critical view of the government. If he did, he might have taken it back knowing I would use that line in this column, a decision so heinously bad that it would take back any cultural good that the book did in the first place.

But here’s the thing: I’m tired and only somewhat creative. So I’m using this line because it makes too much sense for this game. I don’t know that I’ve seen a Mizzou game played so poorly as the first half against Oklahoma. And I don’t know that I’ve seen a more exciting game than the second half (fourth quarter?) against Oklahoma. It was simultaneously the worst game I’d watched in 10-plus years and the best game I’d watched in 10-plus years.

I don’t necessarily no how to score that in a fair way. But Mizzou won and the game ended on a supremely high note. So let’s go max score.

For winning a gonzo game, I’m giving Mizzou five out of five Gonzo the Greats dressed up as Charles Dickens.

“A blue furry Charles Dickens who hangs out with a rat?!”

Disrespectful Play Index

I was going back and forth on a few plays for this week’s DPI. I really liked a lot of Drew Pyne’s scrambles, especially given how hard he celebrated all of them. And Luther Burden III’s swagger always gets him a nomination on this committee of one, even when he’s having an off game. But after revisiting the highlights, the choice of the week stood out clear as crystal. In fact, I’m not sure why I didn’t start writing this part up as soon as it happened.

Category 1: How difficult/impressive was the play? (0-20)

Category 2: How hard did the defense try? (0-20)

Category 3: How much did his teammates help? (0-5)

Category 4: What did the player do immediately afterward? (0-20)

Category 5: How did everyone not involved react? (0-15)

Category 6: Is there a backstory/context to consider? (0-20)

Category 1: How difficult/impressive was the play?

I could bloviate about how this is one of the great catches of modern Mizzou Football history. But I’ll let the pictures and captions do the talking.

My thoughts when Pyne threw this ball: “AW GOD, DREW, YOU CAN’T TAKE ONE SECOND TO GO THROUGH YOUR PROGRESSIONS?”
My thoughts when I watched the catch live: “It would be hype if he actually caught that. But no one actually catches that…”
My thoughts when I saw the replay: just kidding, I wasn’t thinking, I was smacking my hand against the couch in euphoria

20/20

Category 2: How hard did the defense try?

This is the one section of the DPI that I often have to get creative on the most. It would be weird of me to assume that opposing players aren’t trying their absolute hardest on every play. But sometimes you just get put in a bad position. Then I have to analyze every frame looking for a dive, a stretch, whatever to get the score up to where I want it to be.

There’s no mistaking this, however. Freshman corner Eli Bowen gets up, up, UP in coverage on this pass.

Mans could be the ‘C’ in a ‘YMCA’ flash dance

I have to think he’s at least three feet off the ground at the height of this jump, and his hand is inches away from the ball. That, and he’s barely a foot off of Wease the entire play. That’s damn good coverage. And there’s nothing Bowen can do about what happened next. 20/20

Category 3: How much did his teammates help?

I really feel horrible about this, because I know what this means for the final score… but I can’t put this all on Wease, even with how remarkable the catch is. Because Drew Pyne’s ball is perfect. Perfect shape, perfect weight, perfect speed. It’s the best ball a Mizzou QB has thrown this season. Sorry, Theo, it’s not gonna happen. 4/5

Category 4: What did the player do immediately afterward?


There are two theories of celebration. First, that going for all-out, balls-to-the-wall mania is what gets the crowd hyped up. Second, the less you do, the harder it looks. And tell me if you’ve ever seen a harder Mizzou picture than this one.

OK, maybe the picture from Mizzou vs. Kentucky 2020 tops it. But I still can’t knock any points off the score for the decision to simply stare down the crowd and having everyone around him do it too. Talk about cold-blooded. 20/20

Category 5: How did everyone not involved react?

You’ve already heard my thoughts on how Wease’s teammates reacted to the score. But there’s another, equally-important factor that must be weighed. And that’s how Eli Bowen reacted.


That’s the look of defeat. Of conquering. Of knowing that your very best isn’t good enough. Of facing that truth and having to live with it in the moment. That’s a moment that will bring a man to his knees in prayer and anger toward the gods that cursed him with athletic gifts enough to get him a spot on national TV… only to be embarrassed in prime time. 15/15

Category 6: Is there a backstory/context to consider?

“THE FORMER SOONER HAULS IT IN FOR HIS SECOND OF THE NIGHT.”

And doesn’t that just say it all? 20/20

Theo Wease, Jr.’s game-tying touchdown catch was 99 percent disrespectful to his former team, thanks for letting us have him, OU!

Superlatives and Awards


Best Prospective NIL Deal

I don’t know why, but there’s something about Drew Pyne that reminds me of an auto mechanic. Always there, always ready to help out, always a little bit of a gamble on whether or not things are going to be fine or whether you’re about to drop $2,000 dollars on air filters and new tires. But I’ll be damned if I could live without either of them right now. Any local mechanics need a spokesperson, I think Pyne could use a little NIL bump after that performance!

The Tim Robinson Award for Best I Think You Should Leave Moment

I’m really having a hard time with this one this week, because this was an entirely different type of unhinged that what I’m used to seeing on I Think You Should Leave. I do, however, really like the idea that Mizzou has now grown up enough as a program that it doesn’t have to have terrible games against programs like Oklahoma just because. It’s almost like being old enough (and weighing enough, that’s important!) to have your own Tammy Craps doll!


[looking at Oklahoma]

“You gotta get out of the SEC, little girl. Playing here, for you, is like smoking five Macanudos.”

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